I stepped out into the cold night air, mask covering my face. My long coat kissing the snowy, wet ground, while the heels of my shoes tapped restlessly against the ground. My breathing was heavy and my steps were light. I walked faster as I felt the snow fall upon my shoulder. My eyes burned of the cold and my nose was hard and unmoving. It was becoming harder to reach my destination, for the ground was freezing faster. I knew I had to be there soon; this would be the only chance that I would ever have to be with him.
I wondered if he was going to be surprised, or happy, or maybe even disappointed. Maybe he didn't want to see me. For a reason he hadn't come to my house before. He had never even replied to my letters. Maybe I was just making a mistake visiting him. I hesitated, but moved on. I was just a minute away from his house.
When I reached the mansion on Dream Street, I thought. 'Maybe he won't talk to me, he didn't talk to me before.' I twisted my heel. 'But I love him. I...have to.'
He sat beside the fire reading the letters Sandrine had sent him. She was beautiful, strong, and independent. all that he had ever wanted. But he was afraid of her, of the same qualities that he had learned to love. That's why he hadn't replied to her letters. Maybe this was a good time to visit her, she only lived 15 blocks away.
I hesitated again. I was not going to make a fool out of myself, I'm just going to go. I turned around, somehow knowing this was my last chance. I walked back to where I had come from. Out into the dark snowy night.
He knew that this was his only chance to talk to her and make things right. And so he stepped out into the cold, jacket slung over his shoulder, in case that she needed one. His black hair was dull against his bright red sweater, and his black pants felt humid against the snow.
He carried on his path, he was only 2 minutes away from her house; his body ached from the cold. He walked fast but he tripped. As he lifted his face off the ground he found himself coming face to face with Sandrine. Her hair was glued to her porcelain face and her sweater was wet. "Oh my God, Sandrine, I'm so sorry!" Then realization dawned on him. She had frozen.
"But..how! What where you doing? I'm so sorry I wasn't there with you." A tear slipped.
"How could I be so stupid, so selfish, only thinking of myself. If I would have been there at her house like she asked me to, this wouldn't have happened!"
Sometimes, you just have to trust your teenage hormones and go straight to your boyfriend. But when you're older, you just have to trust your heart.
The Dreamer, the Observer, the Wise, the Liar, the Lover, and the Hater.
I stared past the window and into the outside world. There they were, the ten Evan sisters. Some blonde, some brunette, and some black haired. There was Dolly the dreamer, Sandra the realistic, Georgina the observer, Alexandria the outgoing, Willow the wise, Clarice the comedian, Cindy the liar, Miria the honest, Loix the lover, and Nadia the hater.
Dolly wrote in her yellow colored notebook, her hopes, her dreams. Sandra frowned as she saw, or rather, believed she saw the ignorance in which Dolly lived in. Georgina stared past the birds and into their nests, how they would feed their newborns, while Alexandria talked, no--- flirted, with her next door neighbor, twirling her long black hair. Willow sat in the corner of their colorless square house, talking to her younger sister, Clarice, while she only ignored her making witty remarks about Willow's advice. Cindy was trying to convince her mother about the fact that she had broken her glass window, her tall mother only nodding, while Miria convinced her father otherwise. And lastly, Loix, in the backyard garden, making love to her enemy, while Nadia fought with hers.
I felt like God as I watched them, like I had control over them. Like somehow, I wasn't part of the world that they lived in. I lived in a whole other world, with other beliefs, plants, animals, and most importantly, people.
Sometimes I would walk past them in the hallway, sometimes we would even talk, but I knew I was never meant to be part of their group. While they would talk about birds, I would think about birds, oceans, and trees. They could never think more than one thing at a time, while I could think a million. I was a whole different species, yet , I was the same. I was all of them at once, Dolly the dreamer, Sandra the realistic, Georgina the observer, Alexandria the outgoing, Willow the wise, Clarice the comedian, Cindy the liar, Miria the honest, Loix the lover, and Nadia the hater.
In the end, their beliefs hung on thread, while mine were carved on iron. Their ideas manipulated and their actions planned. But they were all that I've ever wanted and not wanted to be. They were human.
Dolly wrote in her yellow colored notebook, her hopes, her dreams. Sandra frowned as she saw, or rather, believed she saw the ignorance in which Dolly lived in. Georgina stared past the birds and into their nests, how they would feed their newborns, while Alexandria talked, no--- flirted, with her next door neighbor, twirling her long black hair. Willow sat in the corner of their colorless square house, talking to her younger sister, Clarice, while she only ignored her making witty remarks about Willow's advice. Cindy was trying to convince her mother about the fact that she had broken her glass window, her tall mother only nodding, while Miria convinced her father otherwise. And lastly, Loix, in the backyard garden, making love to her enemy, while Nadia fought with hers.
I felt like God as I watched them, like I had control over them. Like somehow, I wasn't part of the world that they lived in. I lived in a whole other world, with other beliefs, plants, animals, and most importantly, people.
Sometimes I would walk past them in the hallway, sometimes we would even talk, but I knew I was never meant to be part of their group. While they would talk about birds, I would think about birds, oceans, and trees. They could never think more than one thing at a time, while I could think a million. I was a whole different species, yet , I was the same. I was all of them at once, Dolly the dreamer, Sandra the realistic, Georgina the observer, Alexandria the outgoing, Willow the wise, Clarice the comedian, Cindy the liar, Miria the honest, Loix the lover, and Nadia the hater.
In the end, their beliefs hung on thread, while mine were carved on iron. Their ideas manipulated and their actions planned. But they were all that I've ever wanted and not wanted to be. They were human.
The Being of Fear
He sat at the edge of the bed, placing his dark blue socks on. His jet black hair falling over his sleepless eyes and frowning brows. The bare chest of his body exposed to the naked light of the night light. She twisted in her sleep, maybe trying to ignore the nightmares she knew as life. He was careful not to make a sound when he placed on his shoes and carried his small bag out the door.
He turned his car on and the stereo volume up. Taking a big gasp of air, he wiped away the tear that had been born in the corner of his left eye. This was his life, he lived alone for a long period of time, and when he found someone, he had to leave them. Because behind his jet black hair, ocean deep eyes, and sharp, thin nose, was hiding the damnation of a man with a curse. No matter what he did, he always hurt the ones he loved. And so he tried to distance himself away from people, but he always fell in again, for the same person.
Anna Love. She was the thing that he had always wanted, not mattering the price he had to pay to have her. In the end he always drove away, and she would always take him back, because there was no one out there for her better than him. Even if he could barely speak to her without making her cry. Sometimes he would try to hurt himself for what he'd done, but he never could. They would always fight, jokingly of course. But sometimes, he turned those fights into something that he couldn't take back. She said things too, about his past, and the way that he was. But those things, they could be taken back.
He had come from an apparently normal woman, then she left him, leaving him to be raised by a drug user who injected him too. She taught him to steal and sell drugs, as well as other things. He grew to be a monster who hurt everyone he touched, even with the slightest touch of his breath.
He hit the pedal, in hopes that he would be out of the town, the state, the continent, the world.
"He used to live in so much fear of himself that instead of not hurting people, he did hurt them. If only he would have lived as any man lives, forgetting the past, living in the present, and hoping for the future, the only worry he could have had would've been how empty his gel can could be."
He turned his car on and the stereo volume up. Taking a big gasp of air, he wiped away the tear that had been born in the corner of his left eye. This was his life, he lived alone for a long period of time, and when he found someone, he had to leave them. Because behind his jet black hair, ocean deep eyes, and sharp, thin nose, was hiding the damnation of a man with a curse. No matter what he did, he always hurt the ones he loved. And so he tried to distance himself away from people, but he always fell in again, for the same person.
Anna Love. She was the thing that he had always wanted, not mattering the price he had to pay to have her. In the end he always drove away, and she would always take him back, because there was no one out there for her better than him. Even if he could barely speak to her without making her cry. Sometimes he would try to hurt himself for what he'd done, but he never could. They would always fight, jokingly of course. But sometimes, he turned those fights into something that he couldn't take back. She said things too, about his past, and the way that he was. But those things, they could be taken back.
He had come from an apparently normal woman, then she left him, leaving him to be raised by a drug user who injected him too. She taught him to steal and sell drugs, as well as other things. He grew to be a monster who hurt everyone he touched, even with the slightest touch of his breath.
He hit the pedal, in hopes that he would be out of the town, the state, the continent, the world.
"He used to live in so much fear of himself that instead of not hurting people, he did hurt them. If only he would have lived as any man lives, forgetting the past, living in the present, and hoping for the future, the only worry he could have had would've been how empty his gel can could be."
The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Knowing, and Experiencing.
"What would you do if I based my world around you, just so that I could watch you from afar?"-Me.
"Love me, because love doesn't exist, and I have tried every thing that does."-Everything is Illuminated.
I feel that the beauty in this world has been clouded by the damage trust has caused. It's worn out, exploded, rotten, and filthy enough that can't be ignored. I have no idea what to do. Friends are enemies. Enemies are enemies. Where are allies? Where is truth? Maybe true friendship only exists in books like Everything is Illuminated, City of Bones, and Extremely loud and incredibly close. Maybe I've just been so closed out of the world that I haven't noticed how much it has changed and has left me behind with my old 'unusual' thoughts. Pardon me if I sound weird, actually don't. It's like one book said. "I want boys to think I'm pretty if they think I'm pretty."Maybe I've just fallen in love with the wrong person, who if I may say, lives thousands of miles away and isn't even aware of my horrid but real existence. Maybe I'm not in love and I'm just pushing myself to think so.Maybe I just want something I can't get. Maybe I'm wishing for too much. Maybe i just have high expectations.
Don't follow my path. Don't set your expectations so high that nobody reaches them. Set them high enough to be reached my some, but the minority. Don't be stupid and foolish regretting your life and your steps. Don't look bad and realize things you could have done better, just accept.
Is there anybody out there hearing me scream! Is there anybody out there screaming out too! I want to know I'm not alone. Maybe even know that that person I care about feels the same way, even if it's selfish. Because that is the human mind. We are selfish, greedy, lustful, gluttonous, adulterous, and the biggest assholes walking the earth. Some of us are even worse than serial killers, we kill with words. And words are sharper than knives.
I hate you for making me feel this way and I love you for doing it. Maybe you'll know who you are one day. Maybe my feelings will explode inside of me like an atomic bomb and I'll die. I hope you know either way.
Love me ,because love doesn't exist, and I have tried everything that does.
Beauty just isn't in the beholder anymore.
What if I said that I thought I was falling for someone that I didn't know?
Someone that I have never talked to.
I have only read his thoughts and seen his face.
He's not the best looking guy, I'll admit. I don't care.
He's intelligent, but most importantly, wise.
Enough of that, now on with the actual thing I'm writing about.
Why do people care so much about other people's looks?
Does it help the fact that they may be arrogant and pathetic, jerks?
No. Definetly no.
I mean, being a beautiful bitch doesn't take out being a bitch.
Looks are not the beauty of a person, I have learned the hard way.
But what is a rose without it's thorns?
If I were to only be judged by my looks, I would have no self esteem at all, and I don't have much of it, because I may just be the farthest thing from beautiful.
Thank the gods that there are still un-judjemental people swaying the streets.
But in the end, if you want a good looking guy, you're selfish and spoiled.
And if you want a smart, sincere but maybe not-so-good-looking guy, you haven't looked for the best.
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