The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Knowing, and Experiencing.

"What would you do if I based my world around you, just so that I could watch you from afar?"-Me.

"Love me, because love doesn't exist, and I have tried every thing that does."-Everything is Illuminated.

I feel that the beauty in this world has been clouded by the damage trust has caused. It's worn out, exploded, rotten, and filthy enough that can't be ignored. I have no idea what to do. Friends are enemies. Enemies are enemies. Where are allies? Where is truth? Maybe true friendship only exists in books like Everything is Illuminated, City of Bones, and Extremely loud and incredibly close. Maybe I've just been so closed out of the world that I haven't noticed how much it has changed and has left me behind with my old 'unusual' thoughts. Pardon me if I sound weird, actually don't. It's like one book said. "I want boys to think I'm pretty if they think I'm pretty."Maybe I've just fallen in love with the wrong person, who if I may say, lives thousands of miles away and isn't even aware of my horrid but real existence. Maybe I'm not in love and I'm just pushing myself to think so.Maybe I just want something I can't get. Maybe I'm wishing for too much. Maybe i just have high expectations.

Don't follow my path. Don't set your expectations so high that nobody reaches them. Set them high enough to be reached my some, but the minority. Don't be stupid and foolish regretting your life and your steps. Don't look bad and realize things you could have done better, just accept.

Is there anybody out there hearing me scream! Is there anybody out there screaming out too! I want to know I'm not alone. Maybe even know that that person I care about feels the same way, even if it's selfish. Because that is the human mind. We are selfish, greedy, lustful, gluttonous, adulterous, and the biggest assholes walking the earth. Some of us are even worse than serial killers, we kill with words. And words are sharper than knives.

I hate you for making me feel this way and I love you for doing it. Maybe you'll know who you are one day. Maybe my feelings will explode inside of me like an atomic bomb and I'll die. I hope you know either way.

Love me ,because love doesn't exist, and I have tried everything that does.