Rebirth

Do any of you just look at yourself in the mirror and just want to rip it to little shreds?
To just live in a world where you love yourself because you don't have any mirrors around you?
I'm terrified of what I see.
Physically and emotionally.
It scares me to think this way but I just do.
I feel like I've lost all control of myself, like everything around me is close to perfect, and I'm the only one standing at the end of the line.
Like when partial perfection was given I never got my part.
I don't want to feel this way, and I can't tell anyone I know, I prefer to do it here, because you're all strangers, and it's easier this way.
Yeah, I sound pathetic, I know, I'm not that stupid.
And I accept the title.
I just want to feel happy.
Because there's a hole in my nothing close to me can fill.
I feel so ugly and disgusting when I look at myself.
And I am trying to change.
But.....it's not so easy.
I want to scream bloody murder.
I'm not even sure I'm awake.
Sad part is, I know what I need.

I just can't have it.